A series of awkward pick-up lines

Last week I bought a new perfume because it was pretty and floral and I thought it would make me smell nice. I didn't realize that it attracted crazies like bees to a flower. (Maybe there is something to be said about crazies being like bees, as both flowers and perfume are floral. Or maybe I should have come up with a better metaphor, I'm not really sure...)

If you are my facebook friend, you have probably read a few of these already- as I have been flabbergasted and posted several as they arise. I think what's truly impressive/ terrifying is that they have all happened while wearing the new perfume. (Which makes me think I should burn the perfume).*

Crazy #1: While in the check out line at Wal-mart."Hey there, how are you doing? Can I get your number girl?"
(This doesn't seem that crazy, until you find out that he was in front of me at the check out counter at Wal-mart, at 9:30pm, on Valentine's day. He had- I kid you not- just bought a card, some chocolates, and some gross/cheap Wally World flowers. Seriously?)

Crazy #2: While buying a scratch ticket at the gas station** "Can I see some ID?" I show him. "Wow, you could totally pass for 16***. I get off in an hour, want to grab dinner?" (What? With some creeper who thinks I look 16? NO!!!!)

Crazy #3: While sitting on my flight to San Francisco."You're listening to Toto? That's my favorite band!Blah, blah, blah, (I'd already dismissed him)" I'm sorry, but 1. Why are you stalking my Ipod? And 2. Why would anybody admit to Toto being their favorite band? Both of these make me have to say a resounding no. Besides, I judge who would hit on me the way I look when I travel.****

Crazy #4:  While checking into my hotel. "Are you here for the convention? I'd love to dance with you later! Promise you'll save every dance for me?" (From the woman behind me at hotel check-in. Apparently while I was in town there was a LGBT Salsa Dance convention. And yes, I did end up going dancing*****, but not with her!) 

I'm not sure if I should be flattered by all the attention, or terrified. In the words of my stalker Ingrid- "Everybody wants to be loved,  but not by total creepers."****** I need to get rid of the perfume, right?



*No, I probably shouldn't do that. I'm pretty sure that is almost as dumb as lighting a can of hairspray on fire...

**A weird habit I picked up from That Woman. I buy them sometimes when I'm thinking of her.

***Liar, I couldn't. And I'm ok with that, 16 was an awkward and terrible age!

****You should see what I look like when I travel. I wear a face mask to prevent germs from others in the plane, and a scarf around my head to hide my ear buds from the flight attendants. I refuse to turn off my ipod for take-off/landing. All in all, I look like a hit man from Elton John's mafia.  Actually, I'll just show you...

This is from a summer road trip, pictured here with the lovely J-Jantz.Not pretty, on either count...

*****Of course, I went dancing- could you expect anything less? I will share more in my next post about my random adventures in SF... but not tonight.

****** (She may have left the second part out...)