Congratulate me- I took my car in for an oil change. (This doesn't seem like the biggest deal to those who don't know me, so let me explain). I saw this as a totally grown-up thing to do as I was preparing to drive my car across the freaking country.* I took time last Saturday, went to the mechanic, and had my oil changed. As I drove away, the breaks went out. Whoops. I had my car towed back to the mechanic after they were already closed Saturday night, which sets the scene for Sunday's event. (In case you wondering what an oil change had to do with me being mistaken for a vagrant).
Desperately in want of something to eat (but having no car to pick it up and nothing in my kitchen to cook with) I walked to the drug store near my home. I picked out a diet coke, a frozen pizza, and some diapers for Maude which I paid for with all of the loose change found around the home while packing.** Immediately after I finished paying I began to laugh manically, but after realizing that laughing to yourself wasn't super normskies, I tried to explain to the puzzled cashier that I had just bought a frozen pizza and had nothing to cook it on or cut it with. He didn't seem to find me as funny as I found me.
Complete Stranger in the parking lot (CS): "Ma'am, do you live near here?"
Me: "Yea, sure. I stay nearby." (Thinking I shouldn't tell her my house was around the corner, stranger danger and all that).
CS: "Well, my church has a program to help people like you".
Me: "Oh, I'll be fine. I have a way to heat it up, and I can get creative with everything else!" (Figuring she was offering to help me with the frozen pizza dilemma).
CS: "Well we have a program that can help you get clean, find a job and a place to live..."
Me: "No worries, my friend is picking me up for work tomorrow morning, and I still have a place to live" (Clearly not getting it).
CS: "We can even help you find some new clothes"
Me: "What's wrong with my clothes?"
CS: "You are wearing long sleeves and pants in layers, and it's over 80 degrees out".
Me: "I'm a redhead, I burn easily".
At this point I turned to leave, she reached into her wallet and tried to hand me money, which I declined as I walked up and into the woods. I chose to meander in the trees for a bit, because I didn't want this weirdo following me to my house. It wasn't until ten minutes later that I replayed the conversation and realized that the woman thought I was a drug addict, and homeless, and probably hiding a young baby in the woods- due to my purchasing Maude's diapers.
How does this always happen to me? *** Admittedly, I had been packing up my house and walking around in high heat, so I wasn't very clean or smell goody. I also paid for my mini-mart purchases in spare change, which probably didn't help the scenario. But dude, didn't she see my glasses?****
Next time this happens I should probably take the money. I am a musician, after all, and am never far from asking for handouts anyways.
*Planning, thinking ahead, and giving any thought or consideration towards automobiles are not things I normally do well. Mommy wow, I'm a big kid now!
**Which I carried in a basket. That's not weird at all. I carried a basket to the mini-mart, as opposed to loading all of the nickels and dimes into my purse and counting them from there.
***I say "this" in reference to ridiculous encounters with complete strangers. I do not use "this" in reference to being mistaken for a homeless druggy, because that was the first time it has ever happened to me. I'd like to say first and only, but let's just say first for now.
****MegRo and I play a lovely game called homeless or hipster. At times the only way you can tell them apart is that the hipster carries an iphone and the vagrant carries a sign. And the glasses. Hipsters wear glasses.*****
*****Not that I'm a hipster. But I do wear glasses. That's all I meant. I'm not a hipster. I'm not.
